The Surrender Project: Day 30: The Finale

Well, here we are, the last day of The Surrender Project. If you would have told me I would be typing this from my own room at an Ashram where I was staying for ten days to experience the Sikhism lifestyle, I would have no idea what that even meant. Nevertheless, here we are, diving into the next small chapter of this solo experience as I wrap up the previous one. I probably have a lot to say about the project as a whole; the lessons I learned, the path it took, the things I would change, the things I wish I did, and overall what it looked like. A lot of these things have been mentioned throughout the journey, especially the lessons each day that writing allowed me to fully dive into and implement into my life. On day 29 I had the idea that day 30 was probably only going to be a type of travel day and that I wouldn’t have much to share anyway, so it could just be a recap of the project as a whole. Things rarely go to plan and day 30 ended up being quite the adventure with a few points I still want to mention from the day. After that I will recap some thoughts I have around the project as a whole. (Note, upon completion of this blog I realized I wrote too much about the actual day 30 and will be writing a recap blog over the next few days to publish separately. I want to be intentional about it so taking ample time to reflect on the overall lessons, purpose, and takeaway from the project as a whole before I share).

Day 30 started out on the sleeper bus, waking out of my half dream state to check my phone and see it was 4:44. Now I am not sure if you are the type to believe in angel numbers, when the time is 2:22 or 11:11 or any of the others that it is a sign that you are on the right path. I am not sure I “believe” in them either, but as you all know I like to see the world with just a bit of extra magic, so waking up at 4:44 felt like a good sign to start the day. I can barely say I started the day there, as I didn’t do a whole lot for the next three or four hours before the bus dropped me off on a random road. But technically it was the start, even if I spent the remainder of the bus ride in and out of actual dreams or daydreams, sometimes it is hard to tell. I checked the map around 8:30 and realized that we had passed the stop I was supposed to get off on. Luckily, I had absolutely no clue where I was even going yet so it didn’t matter that I got off on the other side of the city of Jalandhar. I got off on the side of the highway after telling the bus driver I missed my stop, he just pulled over and off I went. Normally this might be a position where I feel slight nerves or uneasiness and I have to ground myself in a new area and city. This didn’t feel that way at all, in fact I felt pretty calm, given the fact that the only thing I knew was that I had to make it to a city about an hour away by 5:00 pm, either by bus, if I could find one, or taxi. I knew I had some time so decided to walk until I found a decent looking restaurant/cafe that might have wifi so I could write and organize the day 29 blog. This lead to about 30 minutes of walking before I decided to stop at a juice stand and get myself a fresh squeezed orange juice. I sat on a chair out front of the stand and drank my juice for a while, just enjoying the heat from the sun in what felt like an early autumn morning. You know the mornings where the sun feels hot but the air feels chilled? Not cold, but crispy, almost a texture to it that feels clean and refreshing. That is the type of weather I was enjoying this morning. It made me envision owning a home with a porch that overlooks a bunch of land slightly lower than the porch so I can sip on a coffee or a tea and watch the sunrise everyday with my partner when I am really old and retired. A peaceful morning one might say. After I sat there for 45 minutes or so I ventured to the shop next door that just opened and seemed to be a cafe with food, exactly what I was looking for. I went in, had some trouble ordering as they spoke zero English, but eventually got my Americano and a paneer wrap. I sat down and wrote for a while before heading outside to see if I could figure out where to find a bus, as google had proved worthless. I see a few guys and pick out one of them who is walking by himself, he seemed well kept and so I approached him and asked if he spoke English; he did. After some conversing and him checking the price of a taxi he said he would just drive me to the nearest bus stop and there I could find out how to get to the city I was heading to. Without thinking much, I hopped in his car. I realize that some of you might think I am an idiot for trusting a man to drive me somewhere when he offered after knowing him for less than a minute. Well, I trusted my gut and the guy seemed pretty trustworthy to me, I only picked up on good energy. I also want to note that I realize this is a privilege that I have as a white male, getting into a strangers car in a country and a city where I do not know anybody and not thinking of the worst. He even made a remark how I was quick to agree to hop into his car after we got to know each other. I told him I trusted him and he seemed genuine off the start. I will say, it makes me feel more confident when the car happens to be a very nice and new car, and the man happens to be wearing new clothing and his phone is an iPhone 15. These are all things I pick up on before just agreeing to run off with somebody. Now, I am not saying that if he didn’t have these things I wouldn’t have gotten in the car, but I might feel slightly more alert if there seemed to be nothing he needed or would risk to get from me (I hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole). Anyway, we drove around for about 10 or 15 minutes, he said he was going to take me to the farther bus station because he wasn’t sure if the other ones would have a bus going in this direction. When we arrive he just pauses and goes, “never mind, I guess I can just drive you to the city if you want? I own my company so it is okay if my lunch break ends up being a few hours.” I say of course, happy to be in a good conversation with somebody in a comfy car. Also, absolutely blown away at the generosity and overall willingness to drive over an hour one direction to drop me off, ensuring that I get to my destination and do not have to mess around with the buses. We had good conversation the whole time, he is 29 and studied in the UK. He also told me some wild stories about a guy he knew and the journey he went on to get into The United States. The hour went by quickly and we talked about our lives, about what I have learned traveling, about the different styles of life and different religions, and even if I had seen Dune 2. Which, I might now be going to see it with him after I am done with my time at the Ashram. When he dropped me off he told me to call him if I ever need help or a taxi or a bus ordered. Then he proceeded to hand me a bottle of alcohol that one of his friends left in his car because he doesn’t drink. I tried to tell him that I am not drinking in India either, but he insists and I take it with, even with no plans to drink it. Just have to find some guy and pass it along at some point. Side note: I have officially not had a drink now for 32 days, officially the longest break I can confidently say I have taken from drinking since I was a senior in high school. I am not sure how I am supposed to feel about that, but it has been a nice break and one I see myself continuing for at least a little longer. Anyway, what an unbelievable experience to have a stranger who I asked for help who then drives me over an hour away to my destination. He even invited me to a wedding in Delhi if I was going to be around in the next two days. I know some of you might think this straightforwardness and offering to spend time together seems a bit odd, and I would have agreed a month ago. Now, however, I have realized that is just the way they do it here, they are incredibly open and nothing is that big of a deal, even inviting a stranger to a wedding a 10 hour drive away. For a few minutes on the ride I found myself smiling like a kid on Christmas looking out the window, full of gratitude. I cherish the moments that I get to feel that type of gratitude in life, the times I try to comprehend the experience that I am going through even when it feels too big or too unexplainable. It is an immense gratitude that radiates in my stomach and almost gives me butterflies, just so blown away that this is my life, that I am sitting in a car with a random dude I just met on the street driving to something where I have no idea what is going to happen, in a rural part of India. But the kindness in that man to go out of his way for me and give me that unique experience was so heartwarming. I am so grateful that I keep getting these experiences out of my time traveling. I am not sure if that moment even sounds special to you, but to me it is everything and is the most incredible part of travel. Another experience that you cannot buy no matter how much money you have. It really is these weird simple moments with strangers that make solo traveling so freaking rewarding.

After he dropped me off and handed me my gift of whiskey he drives off and I call my friend, Nico, to see where he is. He says he is in the town that I got dropped off in but is in a meeting and will see me soon. So I head over to a park bench as I am a bit outside of the main part of this small town and there is nothing else for me to do. I sit on that park bench for probably 45 minutes just waiting and watching life go by. A few people stop and say hello, others just stare. A few girls laugh and wave, looking back and giggling as they walk down the entire street. An old man walks out of his house with a chair and carries it across the street from me where he posts up, doing the same thing I am and just watching the world for a bit. I swear we had a little bond going, turning our heads at the same cars, even making eye contact a few times. Eventually I meet up with Nico and we get on a bus to take us the 15 or so minutes out of town to the Ashram. Now, everything I have explained before is the full extent of my knowledge of this place. I do not know exactly what it is, I have no idea what it will be like completely. On the bus I ask Nico about the meditations we will be doing, “what type are they? Like vipassana or something?” He laughs, as I couldn’t be further from the truth. The meditations are when you get together and sit cross legged in a room, either chanting or just listening to the music being played by some people. Anyway, we arrive and it is this massive compound with a massive and stunning white temple, and a bunch of living areas around it with sprawling screen yards separating the temple from everything else. He gives me a quick tour, showing me to his room where I leave my stuff. People come from all over the world to stay here and connect with the saint, or basically a man who has reached some form of God wisdom? I am honestly not entirely sure, they do not use the word enlightenment, but basically a man who has reached enlightenment and helps guide others. People will go to him and ask questions around life and other things and he will tell them. Well, as luck would have it he was outside of his little house on the compound and meeting people today. Nico and I headed over, unsure if I would be able to meet him or not, but at least wanted to be close to him and understand what was going on. He is outside of his house on a chair with four of the same chairs in front of him and people can get in line and have your chance to speak with him or ask him something. A lot of people do not speak with him, but just sit cross legged about 20 or so feet in front of him and either meditate or just exist in his presence for a bit. Turns out I was given the green light, so within an hour of arriving I am already going to meet the saint here. I have no idea what to expect, all I know is that this guy is insanely important to the religion and people travel from all over the world to spend a few days here just to maybe talk to him once. I couldn’t think of what to say or ask him, or if I even should. Nico said do not worry about it, if something comes out, something comes out. At this point we are next in line so I ask if I am supposed to shake his hand. Nico goes, “no no no no!! You cannot touch him!” And laughs at the hilarity of that question. I say these things just so you know how little I am aware of the space that I am in.

It is our turn and we walk up, bowing with our hands raised like a prayer, and taking a seat. He says hello and has an incredibly warm aura about him, smiling with twinkling blueish eyes, which also caught me off guard. He greets me and Nico tells him we met on a plane. He asks where I am from and then almost immediately goes, “how old are you?” I say “25” and he smiles and raises his eyebrows, “you look so young” and I tell him I get that a lot. Damn, out of all the people even the saint here thinks I have a baby face, really no escaping it now. He smiles again and asks how I am, I tell him that I am happy to be here. He asks, “why are you happy?” And I explain a few things. Looking back I have zero idea how long we were up there talking to him, but it felt like a really long time. He was in no rush to move on to the next person, even cracking a joke at his own expense that had Nico and I laughing quite hard, before he starts laughing with us and we all kept laughing for way too long before quieting back down. That struck me as odd, that this man who people hold in incredibly high regard made a joke to me about how he is only in his position because he couldn’t find a job elsewhere so decided to come here, except with excellent delivery. He ponders more about my path and asks about me traveling in the first place, asking what I am seeking. I ask him if there is any reason that I found myself here talking to him on a sunny afternoon. He asked me to ponder a few things before I talk to him next, telling me to think about what I want in life as a whole. And to not think about death as the end, that we never really die, and to sit and think in meditations and other times to see what comes up when I think about what I want out of life. I ask a clarifying question or two and he mentions a few other things before handing me a sweet and floury dessert, my cue that our time is up. I bow and walk about 5 steps away before he calls me back and tells me to sit down again. This is strange. I look over at Nico who also seems completely lost and isn’t sure why this is happening either. He asks about my connection to the Netherlands, but in his accent I thought he said “Neverland” and am so beyond lost I just sit there speechless, thinking about Peter Pan and staring at this man and his warm demeanor as he smiles softly at me. Nico then asks me again, “Netherlands Henry, what is your connection to the Netherlands?” Ohhh, oops. I tell him I might have a small percentage of heritage there but thats about it. He nods and says I have past lives there and to keep that place in mind. I still have absolutely no idea what that means but I guess time will tell. I left him and went to go sit back down by everybody else, waiting for Nico to ask a private question. That was quite the experience and definitely excited to explore these thoughts and his questions going forward. I do not have much more so say on this right now, but I am sure there will be some down the line.

Afterwards we go check out the temple, washing our feet before we go inside, where we bow and get on our knees and touch our heads to the ground in front of all the sacred books that are being read in the temple. Each one is being read outloud 24/7, where specific people take shifts reading nonstop from each book. We go to an empty room and practice some mediations before heading over to get some food. To get food you walk in and grab a tray, cup, and spoon after you take off your shoes and wash your hands. Then you either walk up to a table with food where a person serves you or you sit down on the floor and they come over to serve you your food and tea. Everybody who is working here, the servers, the cooks, cleaners, etc. are all volunteering, as acts of service are a crucial part to Sikhism. It is encouraged for me to also help out when I get the feel for the place, probably only with washing dishes or serving food though. After dinner we head to a kirtan, or a mediation with the music and different chanting at times. When we walk into the room at the temple where the kirtan is happening we bow again, going down to our knees and resting our forehead on the ground for a few seconds before standing up and finding a place on the ground to sit cross-legged and participate.

This is so different than what I was expecting the meditations to be like, but I am excited nonetheless to fall into the routine here and see what I take away from the experience. I forgot to mention I was given my own room at this point, so I go back to my own room with three beds in it, as it is a “low-season” for visitors, and finish up my blog and go to bed at a good hour, setting my alarm for 3:45 am.

I want to add that there are no rules here. Like if I wanted to I could sit in my room all day and not attend a single event or meditation or anything. Nobody is trying to get me to convert to be a Sikh, as it isn’t technically a religion. The saint here says it is just the truth, that it isn’t a religion because the only thing that matters is your relationship to God. It is interesting to be here and I will definitely have a lot to share in the coming week or so.

Day 30 felt like a pretty perfect day to wrap up this surrender project with. I am also realizing that it is already almost 4,000 words and I haven’t recapped a thing. Given the amount of time I have today to be able to write I think I want to write an extra day, a blog only dedicated to a recap so I can also have a bit more time to process the blog as a whole in general. Honestly, as I am writing this I am undecided if I will share that tomorrow or in a couple days. Part of me wants to sit with some of the lessons and overall takeaway for more than a day and see what comes up. I think that makes the most sense to get the most out of the project on a personal level, maybe even going back to read some of the previous blogs and reflect on some of the earlier lessons. Understanding how I changed over the course of the project as well as remembering some early takeaways to see if I still stand by them. Well, day 31, bonus blog 2.0 will be coming out at some point, my guess is a few days from now so stay tuned for an update. In the meantime, thank you again for choosing to read along, whether it is during your morning coffee, over a plate of food at the dinner table, or anywhere in-between, I truly truly appreciate it.