The Surrender Project: Day 12: Curb Your Expectations

My new goal for the second half of this project is to edit and write the blogs on time. As mentioned, I give myself a one day buffer to post the blogs. So, when you see me post around noon everyday that means it is around midnight my time, and I am posting the blog that happened the previous day. Up until the recent few days I had been writing the full blog at the night of the day I experienced it. Recently, however, just how life has been playing out I have been writing until midnight or 1:00 am and then finishing it the next day. This has meant each day has a few hours of editing and writing to catch up on. This is fine, although it typically means I am not getting out and exploring until later in the day, anywhere from 2:00 to 5:00 because I am also waking up late because I go to bed late. My whole cycle is rotating in the wrong direction. This brings us to day 12, where I didn’t get the chance to write a single word the night of. So now, on day 13, I am going to have to spend the four hours or so writing day 12. I say I didn’t get the chance to write, in reality I was tired from the day and didn’t finish editing pictures until 11:00 or so. Instead of writing for a while and getting a jump on it I watched another episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” Why I decide to start a TV show that has 11 seasons in the middle of a project that requires this much time is beyond me. I blame Vincent for telling me it is a good watch. Anyway, I am not complaining, merely wanted to set the scene for this writing as I wasn’t quite sure how to introduce day 12. Well, we should probably start it off with “Curb” since that is exactly where it got kicked off (“Curb” is what the cool kids call “Curb Your Enthusiasm”).

It isn’t quite fair to say the day got kicked off with “Curb” as I did sneak in a 30 minute meditation beforehand. Overall it was a solid mediation that did exactly what it was supposed to: brought me into the day feeling calm and not worried about having to do anything, ready for whatever. I should also mention I walked downstairs and did in fact extend another night at the hostel. If the previous day walking around that nicer area helped me realize anything, it was that I have not explored Mumbai to the extent that I wanted to. Mumbai became a comfortable stay overall, and I am content with that. It was a nice spot to full settle into India. I say fully settle in yet as I write that I already know there are going to be more times when I do not feel settles or a bit lost again. But that will come when it does, no need to think about that now. When I walked downstairs to extend another evening there was some laughs with the receptionist as she said she now just expects me at 9:45 every morning. She finally asked me what my plan is and how many nights I actually want to stay. I promised her this was my last night, even though I still did not have a clue where I was going next. When she asked where I was going tomorrow, that was exactly my answer, she laughed and said, “I will probably see you tomorrow morning then.” This was my inner sign that it was time to move on, that after a day of some more exploring I think it was time to get to a new spot, try something new and find ways to do something different. I will touch on this a bit later in the blog. What was a pleasant surprise when I walked downstairs was the complimentary breakfast as an apology for not having any hot water. This was a win-win in my book, as most showers I take are anything but hot. It is funny how that has changed during traveling, even when I have the option to take a hot shower now I tend to have it just be around room temperature. Anyway, a free breakfast is always appreciated. Especially when they have a dark chocolate peanut butter that is made of only three ingredients; peanuts, dates, and cocoa. It was so freaking good and I will 100% be tracking that down when I get stateside. If this is not a thing in the states I am officially calling dibs on creating it. This should up as being grounds for suing, right? Anyway, this is where “Curb” comes in, as I take my first bite I think why not throw on a quick little 30 minute episode to keep me company? Shutting out the voice in my head telling me to just be present in the meal and actually taste the food. I apologize if I have already said this, but I highly recommend to just sit with a plate of food and eat really slow, even closing your eyes, and just focus on the different flavors and how they are all working together to create the overall taste. Try your best to chew slower even. It is crazy how amazing the food can be when you do this. Like really diving into each nuanced piece. Or do this when eating fruit and the sweetness and sourness will just blow you away with how much flavor there is. I do not do this enough, and even when I know I should the trap of the dopamine rush that awaits watching a sitcom with Larry David is too enticing and makes me block out that little voice. That little dopamine rush did feel good too, or maybe it was just the first TV I have watched in a while. I fall into the “bingeing” category of TV watcher. Picking a random show and starting it, where I then cruise through the first season in a day or two, watch half the second season over the next day or so, and then never touch it again and take a break from TV for a few weeks. Rinse and repeat. So many little tangents today, that’s okay though. Anyway, after two episodes and an hour later I realize I should probably get writing because I do want to explore today and not waste potentially my last day in Mumbai watching a TV show that first aired in 2000.

For about the next three hours I catch up on writing before Vincent and I decide to go do some exploring and see the city. After the writing I had a feeling pop up, which I am not entirely sure how to label. Basically the thought that I am not doing enough in India, that I feel like I should be exploring more, getting “out there” more, and digging into a more raw way of life. I am unsure if this is justified or not. Part of the hope for this time in India is that it would bring me to crazy places and I would have wild stories to tell. But as I reflect on Mumbai for example I fear that I missed a lot. It is the conundrum of wanting to just get into the real local stuff, and wanting to find the wilder side of things. Of not wanting to do what everybody else does, but realizing there is so much I didn’t do here. As I write this out and think about it, I think maybe it is an ego thing, of wanting my travels to be special and crazy so I have wild stories to share on here. Maybe not even that, maybe it is a misjudgment and categorization of what India is. Yeah this sounds more accurate. I think as an outsider we see and hear about how crazy India is. Of mass amounts of people, of garbage piles the size of football fields, of people yelling, and just chaotic energy. While yeah, that is a story you can paint because it is apart of life here, it isn’t life overall. That the nightly cricket practice is the real culture, that sitting around tea stands and sipping on tea with a group after work is the real culture. That India is just India, that there are challenging aspects because it is different than what most people are used to, that there aren’t very many countries out there with 1.5 billion people so they have to do things a little differently. But overall it has similar things as everywhere else in the world. Sports matter, food matters, community matters, family matters. That it is a pretty crazy story to be an honorary member of a cricket team for a few days, or have the stands around my place of the people I get to wave to everyday. The individual local people that come into my life for a brief moment, yet leave stories I will always remember. There still is that feeling, that I am supposed to do more, but as I type this out I remember that this project doesn’t have to go a certain way. Yeah, its great for the theme if a motorcycle ends up in front of the hostel with a note saying it is a gift for me (trying to manifest this). But in reality everyday traveling is not going to be a crazy adventure. A reminder to me to enjoy the small moments with the people that I have had the privilege to connect to and surround myself with for the past week in Mumbai. It is without a doubt a different Mumbai than you are supposed to see, but isn’t that the point of this whole project anyway? That whatever I see and whatever I experience gets to be my own little story in it all, that there is no such thing as a right way to do it. There are still places where I want to get out there more and experience more unique things, without a doubt. I mostly just do not want to fall into the same easy routine I was in before traveling. I want to seek the uncomfortable moments, they do not have to be anything crazy, just day to day things that put me in situations that are new and different. New and different forces hyperawareness because everything is new and nothing is easy. But for now I feel at peace with it, so thanks for following along on this paragraph as I work out that thought. Writing is such a gift for that, to be able to work out thoughts. If you do not utilize it I recommend trying if you have a random thought about something and are unsure how you feel about it or want to dig into it more. It works.

Post writing we catch a Tuk Tuk to a random spot that Vincent had marked on his maps, something like a massive clothes washing area that was 10 kilometers away. We didn’t know where to go so just picked a spot that took us to a random area of town. Turns out this area is called “mahalaxmi Dhobi Ghat” and is more than just a area where people wash clothes. It is a 130 year old place where they still hand wash on the original stones from that time. 7,000 people work there, where they hand wash linens and sheets from the cities hotels and hospitals. It is the worlds largest outdoor laundry place. It is basically indoor and outdoor now, with so many little houses and rooms built above the massive washing bins. As we were walking through it we struggled with what was open to the public and what were peoples houses. Mostly just walking through openings and asking the people working or sitting if we could keep going. We explored this area for a bit and tried to figure out what was happening, how it all came together to be the worlds largest outdoor laundry. There were ropes hanging between every building, with some open areas with hundreds and hundreds of pairs of jeans. Or hundreds of bedsheets on many many ropes. It was cool, but after some guy tried to get us to pay for having a camera we thought we saw enough and left. We walked about a block and popped into a restaurant to get a bite to eat. After the meal I realized I ate just about purely carbs: potatoes, dosa, and roti. Oops, another day traveling another day with inefficient protein. I was craving a decent coffee so we tracked down a coffee shop about a 20 minute walk away. It put is in an area that I think a bit more affluent, but it was like a warehouse area where every store was selling furniture. For some reason we ended up going into a Kohler store after the coffee. I am sure most of you recognize that name but cannot put your finger on what it actually is. Kohler is a bathroom brand, they do toilets, sinks, and the design of full bathrooms. We walked into a showroom where somebody immediately came over to us and showed us around these different bathroom models that they had. I am not sure if he actually thought we were in the market to purchase something? At one point we had to just excuse ourselves as it was a two story building and we were the only non-employees there.

After we got out of there we just strolled around, hoping to catch the golden hour somewhere good where we could play with the light again. I am forever convinced the best way to get a feel for a city is to just walk it. Just take turns down random streets, do not map anything and just stroll. The differences in the city that we saw from probably an hour walk was incredible. First it was the slightly affluent area, with kids running around and nicer stores. Then we walked underneath the highway for a while, the highway is on a bridge with a road beneath it. The entire bottom was painted with trees and flowers and was really colorful. This area was a bit busier, with shops covering the sides of the streets but still a pretty decent area. I absolutely love this time of day in Mumbai because when it reaches around 6:00 you can feel the energy shift. The hurry almost seems to disappear. The horns still honk, but they sound friendlier in a way. There are still tons of people walking everywhere, but there seems to be more laughs, a slower pace, and just a sense of calmness. The shop keepers are sitting on chairs outside of their shops talking with one another, not in a hurry to make a sale. The kids are swinging plastic cricket bats at plastic balls wherever they fan find a little bit of empty space. There are small crowds of men gathered around the tea stands wearing buttons downs tucked into their slacks with any random type of sandal. More families are together, with the moms and dads reconnecting after a day of respective work. It is such a treat to be a bystander walking these streets, to watch life just happen and slow down for the day. Giving head nods to the men who watch us walk and smiles to the women who I make eye contact with from their chairs. Vincent and I walk in silence for a while. Not intentionally, just because I think we are both watching the world slow down around us for a bit. Which seems like the completely wrong word, because on the surface the traffic is still hectic and the air is still filled with honks and shouts. But once you get a little used to that lifestyle anyway you notice the energy ease up at this time. It is beautiful to witness and I find a lot of comfort in it. We kept strolling for a bit, walking down yet another street with construction going on, which seems to be the regular over here. It seems like they complete the projects 95% of the way and then do not quite wrap it up. Eventually we come to a major cross-section and we see a side street if we go straight and one more block. We head that way, getting more looks now as I think we are in a very non-touristy area. As we head through this street where the entrance had an archway, everything tightens up, becoming a one way that seemingly only foot traffic and scooters can travel on. The further we walk the narrower it becomes, only a few hundred yards from the entrance. Eventually we realize we entered a slum, which I do not know the technical definition of one but it is basically a bunch of living quarters piled together and on top of each other. The “road” feels more like a random walkway that is anywhere from 2-4 feet wide, at times you are sharing the two feet with a water pipe that takes up half of it, as you are ducking underneath clothing hung at eye level. There is no planning to it, no architectural intention. There might be a door here and a door there, but one is a normal door, one is 2/3 of a door but still acts as the entrance. It is easy to get confused on where the main path keeps going or where you might be walking into somebody’s property. It feels like Tetris but with houses. With ladders or incredibly narrow staircases going up to the roofs where somebody put up sheet metal for walls and a door. Or sometimes you see open doors that lead to a tiny kitchen and then another door out the back, leading potentially to somebody else’s home. I can see how incredibly easy it would be to get lost in these. It was an incredible experience and I felt a bit on edge, like we were intruding in peoples privacy or homes. But every person we came across gave us a wave and pointed in the direction to keep going. Sometimes the path ends at a doorway and only when you get there do your realize there are brick stairs going up and right that seem to lead somewhere. We found ourselves going up, taking a left, up, taking a right, up, and turning around to keep going up. It was fascinating to see. Of course these are very small living areas, I am unsure if each has a kitchen or they share or how it all works honestly. The people all seemed quite content, it wasn’t the hell that I have seen pictures of. I am sure there are worse slums in Mumbai, I am just commenting on this one in particular. Eventually we come to a bit of terrace and a few kids come up to us to say hi. We are unsure of where to go yet again but a man points up another staircase and we walk that way, waving to the kids. Once we walk up and through we end up at a fenced in park area on top of this hill with a beautiful view of Mumbai on one side and the ocean on the other. You might have to climb on top of some roofs to see the ocean but I am sure it would be excellent for watching sunsets. What did we find at the top of the hill on this road/park you might ask? A bunch of kids playing cricket, what else! It is everywhere, in the wealthy and poor areas it does not matter, cricket is the sport here. We say our hellos and keep walking, getting a few call outs as we walk away to find a few more younger kids playing their cricket as well. The sun was behind a building but it still created a beautiful glow in the air. The temperature again was quite lovely, and we just strolled down the backside of this hill and talked. Traveling is unique because nowhere else do you meet somebody and spend many hours of the day with them, sharing personal things that typically do not come up in daily conversation, yet feeling so comfortable to just be in their presence. Vincent had that type of personality, quick to a smile or a joke, while happy going with the flow and getting into deeper conversations. He also asks great questions, with the intent of just understanding who you are better. It was a joy to spend the time with him.

We are both bit tired so decide to head back. I knew I wanted to get some writing done but sometimes it can be quite challenging to get myself to do it the first thing coming back after a day of walking around. I wanted to chill for a minute and allow my energy to reset. After some alone time I find Vincent and we decide to grab a quick bite on the street. What beautiful timing it was because as we walk out we start hearing a bunch of fireworks and a loud bass from a few blocks away. We jog to get there in time for a few fireworks and come across a parade. The parade has a float with a stage on it just blasting a few speakers. The music was LOUD. People were in the streets waving flags and dancing, the float was shooting confetti into the air with lasers and lights. It felt like a popup concert. There were also four people on horseback, dressed in some old Indian dress. It turns out February 19th is the birthday of a famous king from Maharashtra who ruled in the mid 1600’s. I guess he ended up establishing a navy and conquering lands for Maharashtra, so the people of this state absolutely adore him. Hence the dancing and chants, and the few people on horseback dressed up. Well, sometimes life presents your photography subject when you are least expecting it. This will go down as the first concert I have ever shot, and quite Franky I really enjoyed it. Editing the pictures was even more fun than anticipated as well. After enjoying the festivities we grab some food and head back to the hostel where I sneak in another episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” before I edit some pictures and post a blog. It is quite late by the time I finish so I didn’t get to write at all. I blank and realize I need to book a bus! I had decided I would go to Udaipur during dinner time, I remember seeing Emmett Sparling (my favorite photographer) post a picture there one time so might be cool? Also it was in my “India” notes app, aka about 15 random places and strangers tell me to go to. Seems legit. I eventually get the bus booked for tomorrow at 4:55, as well as a solo room for $4 a night! I private bedroom for $4 a night is insanely cheap and the privacy sounds so nice. I book both, shut the laptop and head to bed. Quite content about the day and feeling ready to move on. Grateful for what my little neighborhood gave me, and ready for whatever else pops up on this adventure. Not even two weeks in and have had so many fun memories that I could never have anticipated, so no point putting any expectations on what is to come.

P.S. If there are spelling mistakes in this I apologize. I am writing this on a bus and trying to reread it is giving me motion sickness so I am just going to post it.