The Surrender Project: Day 27: The Power Within Us
It is a bit funny how my focus and staying on top of the writing has shifted as this project goes on. When I started I would sit down at 6:00 pm or so and write about that day and get everything ready to post the next day. Now it is 9:00 pm of the next day (day 28) and I am just sitting down to write the blog for day 27, probably posting it as soon as I wrap it up. It isn’t that I am purposefully putting it off, but being more lenient with choosing to do other things than plan my day around the writing. Plus, as soon as I got one day behind, where I was writing the blog and posting it on the same day, there was no going back because writing two in one day would take up the majority of my day and I never got myself to commit to it. Maybe it is good the project is 30 days so I can have a day or two to have a little break before we go on to the next project. However, the next project may be set up in a way where I am unable to write daily. But I am getting ahead of myself with that, I will discuss all my ideas and what is next later. Anyway, here we are finally settling in to recap day 27. Another good day tapping further into this peace, further into the release of expectations, and further into the surrender of it all.
The day started without a meditation again. When you are in a hostel room with your friend who is awake before you and is asking if you want to get food as soon as he hears you rustling, it makes it hard to stop and find 30 minutes to meditate. Well, that is my excuse anyway, there is a ton of time to get it done if I prioritize it, I just didn’t. A simple reminder that it is freaking hard to hold ourselves to our habits of doing things we know we should like working out or meditating. We are human, we slip up sometimes and it is crucial that we do not beat ourselves up too much to the point that we do not get back into the habits we are trying to develop. Anyway, I get out of bed and find a T-shirt from my pile of clothes and the same pants I have now worn for way too many days in a row. I guess it isn’t only me that has the habit of returning to the same spot for breakfast as the previous day because Vincent also suggest the same spot as yesterday. I get Muesli, fresh fruit, curd, and honey. Which is basically yogurt and granola with a bunch of fruit. Oh, also a black tea and a banana Nutella pancake. It was my first breakfast food in what feels like a while so it hit the spot while sitting in the late morning sun. Vincent and I didn’t really talk at breakfast, but instead chose to listen to a podcast in his case and read a book in my case. I dove back into Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doer, who seems to write in a way that feels messy and cluttered but paints brilliant imagery. Using more unique explanations to draw scenes out, jumping around between points but somehow tying it together in a way that I have had to stop a few times and ponder how incredible his writing style is. I am fascinated by the creativity that it requires to articulate a story in the way he is, and I am freaking hooked on the book in large part to his writing. The story itself is good, but the writing is phenomenal to me. We don’t talk much the entire meal actually, just enjoying our food and the sun as we get lost in our respective stories. Choosing to hangout for quite some time after breakfast and just enjoy the rooftop chairs we found ourselves sprawled over. I would say we spent about two hours at breakfast before heading back where Vincent wanted to show me an episode of a British TV show he likes, Peep Show. Afterwards I decide to get in another workout, choosing to keep this habit alive and not let it slip away again. I head to the roof to do some pushups and core before strapping on the shoes and going on a run.
The run was nice again, yet I always find I need a few miles before I stop thinking so much about my stride and can just find a cruising spot that feels easy. It is similar to a meditation for me where it takes about 5 to 10 minutes before I find my mind resting into the breath in more of a flow spot where I am not fighting it so much. Again I came across more camels, cows, and people on my run. And I wanted to highlight a specific instance because I think it is worth diving into a bit. I was just over two miles outside of town on a road with nothing but the occasional car or motorcycle when I see a group of four guys walking up ahead. It is the sort of road where it was odd to see a group of four guys in button downs walking in the middle of the day. I am running with my headphones in and my hair tied up which makes my headphones very visible as well. However, as I started getting closer the group crosses the street and starts holding up their hand to get me to stop, walking in-front of my running path. I took out a headphone to hear what they were saying and they went “one selfie? Just one selfie?” And I am not super proud of this but I responded sort of negatively and said, “seriously guys I am obviously on a run?! But yeah one picture” in a bit of an exasperated tone. One picture turned into 5 and then 10 and then each person had to take their turn with a one on one. I was a bit annoyed to be completely honest, and probably did not look super excited in the pictures. Like I am sweaty and look a bit like a mess and am out of town, just felt weird. As I ran away I reflected a bit on the idea, first thinking about how weird that would be if it was in the United States, then about my annoyance overall. I wanted to dissect this and understand why I felt an emotion such as frustration or annoyance with something that really had zero impact on my life. So, why did I get frustrated? The simple fact that I had an interruption to my time. That I expected this time to be just mine and mine alone, that it was my planned time to go run for 40 minutes and how could somebody interrupt my time?! It takes me back to another idea from Four Thousand Weeks, that we are not really in control of our time but we think we are, so when something interrupts something that we think we are in control of it frustrates us (oh, and also expectations again. But I am not going into this one now). When in reality, things are going to interrupt us all the time and we just have to flow with it and release that grip of control. This is exactly why I absolutely love reading non-fiction “self-help” books, because they share ideas or thoughts that we inevitably experience and then can learn something and grow from it. Like if I didn’t just read that idea about not being in control of our time there is no way I have this same thought and work through it like I did. Anyway, I realized that I was getting angry for something completely out of my control. I was breaking my own rule. My rule that there is no reason to get frustrated at little things that are out of our control, that it isn’t up to us what happens to us, but it is up to us how we respond. It might be better written out like this: We cannot control what happens to us, but we can control how we react. I remember sharing this idea with my older brother years ago on a family vacation in Mexico when a situation arose that warranted it. It felt monumental to me because it was the first time I felt like I was giving my older brother advice in a situation. The reason it felt so massive was because he is the first person I have always gone to for advice my entire life, and still do. Because of that it is always something that sits in the back my mind. Anyway, I felt pretty bad as I kept running, thinking about how these guys were probably excited to take a picture with me but instead I came across irritated and they probably felt bad or it lowered the overall energy when it didn’t need to. Even if it did annoy me, I didn’t have to lower the vibration of the situation. Actually scratch that, ideally it doesn’t annoy me, but if I notice it does it is important to release it immediately because there is no control over it. Anyway, a few minutes later I turn around and run back and eventually catch up to them. This time I pause my music and yell out to them from a distance, giving them a big wave and a smile, they all get excited and call out and smile back. And then you know what happened? They all started running with me and waving and laughing. It was overall such a positive little moment until we got into a sprinting race and I had to leave them in the dust. A few minutes later a truck is honking like crazy and then passes me from behind, in the back are the four guys all yelling and waving at me. There is so much power in us to create the life and experiences we want to have and this was a perfect example for me. It would be so simple to only react in the way I did right away, overall leaving a negative taste in my mouth and maybe theirs as well. Luckily, I got a second chance in this case and instead reacted excited and happy and left feeling uplifted and grateful, and I know I left those guys all grinning with a story that they were happy to be apart of. It is almost too obvious of an example, seeing the polarizing difference in the same situation by approaching it with an upbeat attitude vs. a downer attitude. I am not saying we have to exuberantly rejoice in every single interruption of our time, just that the ability to experience a happy or annoyed life is largely up to you. Even if you take away the beauty of making others feel good and only focus on yourself it still makes sense to respond in a more positive way. Think about how you feel when you react to things. Let us use a common and simple example: driving to work and somebody cuts us off in the fast lane and drives 5 miles below the speed limit forcing you to be stuck behind them for 30 seconds. If you honk your horn and flick them off, cussing them out under your breath and muttering “what the fuck, learn how to fucking drive” for the next five minutes before you arrive at the office, what mood are you going to be in to start your day? Versus realizing that you have ZERO CONTROL over the situation, and just exhaling once, ignoring the fact that it is interrupting your life by a six second differential by the time you get to the office, and choosing to focus back on the radio playing your favorite song. What mood are you in now? This will then impact your entire day and probably how you respond to the guy making minimum wage wrapping your burrito at Chipotle and taking too long because he is training. If it is negative from the start it just compounds and makes our own day worse. Why would you choose to make your own day worse? Do you want to be happier and at peace or do you want to be an angry curmudgeon, hating the world and everything it does to you? The same example with the runners, but in this case it not only makes me feel better to respond positively, but makes them all more upbeat as well. And you know what happens when we do a simple action that makes a few people happier and more upbeat? It compounds. My favorite example of this was in Iowa State visiting one of my brothers in college when a girl walked past me on the side walk and complimented my style. As you fellas know, we do not get a ton of compliments from strangers, so this one had me FLYING high all day. In return I complimented the workers hair at the gas station when we were getting drinks and she absolutely beemed, her coworker chimed in about her hair and then gave a compliment back to me or our group. We all left that gas station feeling uplifted and happy. This lead us to a wonderful night where the vibes were high the entire time because somebody chose to start a reaction of bettering somebody’s day. This is what I mean when I say we have so much power in ourselves to create good thing. I know there are a few different lessons here all mixed into one paragraph so I want to just highlight them. The idea of control, that we do not control much of what happens to us in a day, there are countless situations that happen that we have no control over, but we do have control over how we react. Check yourself, are you the type to yell at strangers from your car? (I definitely am guilty of this at times) Or get mad when the line at chipotle is taking too long? Next time something annoys you or upsets you ask if there is anything you can do about it. If yes, then make a choice. If not, then bring awareness to how you are reacting to the situation. If you are annoyed at something out of your control, notice it and breathe out of it, release it and find some peace in not being able to do anything about it. And be proud of yourself for realizing the power in yourself and finding that peace. The second lesson is that these feelings we have, the anger or the love, they compound when we spread them. If you yell at the customer service person on the phone, you are spreading a negative energy. If you complement a strangers shoes, you are spreading a positive one. Check in on your self and what energy you are compounding out around you. If it is negative, do not beat yourself up, half the battle is realizing it. This is something I think about often yet still react negatively to my fair share of things! Just try to do something to flip the coin and balance it out. And selfishly, doing the good thing just makes your life better and more enjoyable. Give a stranger a compliment and get a massive smile in return? Chances are you get an extra pep in your step as well. These things can be so easy and can have a drastic impact on your day to day. Today was a good reminder to myself of this idea of control, and the power to make a positive impact. One I think I needed.
After the run Vincent and I went out to get food. I have an unlimited appetite after I run and ended up spending $9 on food for myself, by far the most I have spent on a meal in India, ordering two entrees and dessert. I still hadn’t started writing and knew that I didn’t want to keep myself up too late so we headed back and I at least started my blog before we did some photography stuff and decided to go find some more food. Some falafel wraps on the street did the trick to tide us over for the night. It of course became another late night for me, as I didn’t really get into my blog until 9:00 or so. Another night where I really wanted to watch a movie but didn’t find the time, so maybe a movie night is in my future. But maybe not as well, as I have some exciting news for what is going to be next for me after this project is over, which is so freaking soon! What the hell!? I am going to wait until tomorrow to share what is next as it flows better in the day. However, I have decided that I am in a spot where I want to keep writing and sharing my writing throughout my journey. That is, if what I am doing permits it, which I am unsure if this next thing does. No, it is not a darkness retreat. But writing will definitely be apart of the journey in some way, even if it is just a long recap at the end. That is it for day 27, another beautiful day in India.
